Late last year a woman sent me an email regarding my writing with a particular focus on my view of the relationship between my parents with an even greater focus on the relationship between me and my father.

In the email she said:

"I really enjoyed reading what you had to say it was very interesting but true. and the part about your father my son feels the same way about his father, because he has never been there for him now that he's 11 and he wants his father in his life he still chooses to think that my son doesn't exist to him he only thinks about the family he has. But like I told my son I am your father too because I'm here 24/7 no matter what. I give you all the love and the things that you need and want."

Now I know it is so tacky that if someone takes the time to send you an email that you take forever to respond but for some reason the words that I felt that needed to be said just didn't come to me. But for some reason on the day that Senator Barack Obama has captured the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, the words......or better yet the emotions begged to be let free.

The relationship between me and my father is really a testament to the relationship between me and my mother.  Now that might suprised some but its true that she ran the show by letting me run the show.  Every since the relationship between my mother and father ended she allowed me to make the decision on how much or little contact I wanted to have with my father.  She never bad mouthed him in front of me but was always open to listen and discuss any questions, problems, or frustrations I found with him or our relationship.  She allowed me to run the emotions of hate to love my father and even though most people wouldn't believe it, she never pushed me to do either. 

The reason that she was an integral part of this is not because she told me that she would take the role of mother and father but she did become my mother and father during the important transition from boy to man.  Did she get frustrated at times? Yep! Did she get it all right? Nope.  But the thing she did was never give up that she could raise a productive, positive, thoughtful, and honest member of society.  That road from boy to man was definently not easy for me.  At times I so wanted my father to be a part of my life even though at times it didn't seem like was ready for fatherhood or the role of raising a manchild.  Then I slowly began to sour on our relationship.  I still had excellent contact between my paternal relatives but I started to resent anytime my father stepped in and out of my life.  It got so bad that I didn't want him to come to my high school graduation and I didn't invite him to my graduation from Howard University.  The calls and contact between us became fewer and fewer and I learned to live without him.

It still is hard for me to say that I learned to live without him.  I think its still hard to stay because no matter how mad I got at him, how distant I became, no matter how I glossed over our bond - I still wanted him to be my dad.

But I had my mom.  Its funny how when I lived under her house how I really didn't appreciate her dedication to her children and their futures.  That is what I can say about all the women in my family.  I grew up in a real maternalistic family where the women were strong and did it all.  They really made a dollar out of 15 cents.  My grandmothers and my aunts are remarkable women who did the best that they could with the hand they were dealt.  And it is in the stories of these women that I learned about fatherhood and manhood.

I learned from them that you can do extraordinary things no matter the situation you are in.  I learned from them that life is made up of many little blessings that moves us toward our dreams.  I learned from them that you can laugh until your stomach hurts and that will lighten a room.  I learned from them that a simple hug is the greatest medicine for a bruised soul.  And the greatest lesson I learned from them is you most hope for the best and give it your all to reach your dreams.  I am who I am because of those lessons and these strong women.

So I guess the thing that I learned from another strong woman who took the time to write me an email is that the lessons that my mother taught me are written in the DNA of women all over the world who are forced to do the heavy lifting with little resources and little help.  And the biggest lessons that they learned and spend a lifetime teaching their children is to never give up because the path you take has many followers. 

So I hope this path I have taken to happiness inspired others to realize that having a strong mom is not bad at all.  They can do the job because they have the balls to do it.